|
|
her loaded phrases infiltrate your skull
|
|
|
| THIS IS ME |
[Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 // 1:15pm] |
SO HERE I AM.
A YEAR LATER.
A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE AT AUBURN UNIVERSITY.
&I AM IN THE COMPUTER LAB IN THE ART BUILDING.
&I AM SUPPOSED TO BE RESEARCHING &BRAINSTORMING FOR MY NEXT PROJECT - TO MAKE TWO BOOKS [ONE ON IDENTITY &ONE ON SENSE OF PLACE]
&IN MY BRAINSTORMING PROCESS, LIVEJOURNAL POPPED IN MY HEAD FOR SOME REASON.
SO HERE I AM.
A YEAR LATER.
A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE AT AUBURN UNIVERSITY.
REVISITING MY PAST.
AFTER A YEAR'S ABSENCE.
&WHO I WAS.
&WHO I WANTED TO BE.
ALL THE MEMORIES ARE FLOODING BACK IN.
ALL THE EMOTIONS I FELT. ALL THE DREAMS I HAD.
MY PAST IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
I DO NOT EVEN KNOW.
THIS IS PERFECT.
THIS IS EMOTIONAL.
THIS IS OVERWHELMING.
THIS IS WEIRD.
BITTERSWEET ACTUALLY.
I WAS WHO I WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE.
I STILL AM WHO I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE.
MAYBE I HAVE NOT CHANGED SO MUCH AFTERALL...
THIS IS ME.
|
|
|
[Monday, November 13th, 2006 // 11:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
HELLOGOODBYE// OH, IT IS LOVE |
] |
I
AM
YOUNG.
I
AM
INNOCENT, GUILTY, FREE, SHELTERED, PROTECTED, INDEPENDENT, HOPEFUL, SCARED, IGNORANT, WISE.
I
AM
YOUNG.
I LEAD A SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE; ONE WITH WHICH I AM PLEASED.
MY LIST OF THINGS REQUIRED TO KEEP ME SATISFIED IS GRADUALLY DECREASING.
I ENJOY BEING SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD &ALL THAT IT COMES WITH.
THERE IS NO BETTER TIME THAN RIGHT NOW.
I AM LEARNING NEW THINGS ABOUT MYSELF EACH DAY.
I AM WORKING ON IMPROVING THINGS WITH MYSELF EACH DAY.
I AM GROWING MORE INTO MYSELF EACH DAY.
WITH THIS I AM LIVING BETTER, THINKING WISER, LOVING DEEPER, AND HOPING STRONGER.
BY THE WAY, I GOT A NEW JOB [TO REPLACE BABYSITTING AFTER SCHOOL].
&MY PARENTS JUST PURCHASED A LAKE HOUSE THIS WEEKEND.
&MY BIRTHDAY IS IN SEVENTEEN DAYS.
( COME ON BABY, COMPLIMENT ME )
|
|
| OH YOUR HEART IT HELPS SO MUCH WHEN WE ARE BARELY SCRAPING BY |
[Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 // 5:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NORAH JONES// THE NEARNESS OF YOU |
] |
"i just came to say i love you
&see if you would be needing anything.
to say thank you and how grateful i am for everything you taught me.
it's those long talks i won't forget.
just to see you smile, it brings me right to them.
so i'll sit here now and hold your hand.
it's these few long hours that make me what i am."
IT WOULD BE A LOT MORE CONVENIENT IF I WERE PERFECT OR IF I COULD MAKE THINGS PERFECT.
BUT THEN PERHAPS I WOULD MISS OUT ON VALUABLE LESSONS BECAUSE WHAT WOULD THERE BE TO LEARN?
I HAVE RECENTLY DISCOVERED HOW MUCH WEIGHT BEING A PERFECTIONIST TIES ON. IT BECOMES ALMOST UNBEARABLE.
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. HOWEVER, IT BECOMES EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING ON MY PART &ON OTHERS AROUND ME. I CONSTANTLY FIND PEOPLE TELLING ME THAT THINGS WILL BE OK OR THAT THEY ARE NOT A BIG DEAL AND I FIND IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CAN GIVE ME ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING WHICH THEY DO NOT HAVE TO OVERCOME.
I UNDERSTAND THEY ARE TRYING TO HELP ME, WHICH I REALLY APPRECIATE, BUT WHEN I AM HAVING A PERFECTIONIST MOMENT, SOMEONE TELLING ME THAT THE PROJECT I HAVE DONE OR AM DOING IS OK ONLY FRUSTRATES ME MORE WHICH ONLY MAKES THEM FRUSTRATED TOWARDS ME. NOT A GOOD MIX.
IT WOULD ALSO BE A LOT MORE CONVENIENT IF MY FRIENDS WERE PERFECT.
BUT MAYBE THANK GOODNESS THEY ARE NOT BECAUSE I WOULD BE A BAD FRIEND IF I WAS THE ONLY ONE NOT UP TO PAR, HAHA.
I FEEL MYSELF BECOMING DISTANT TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN CLOSEST TO ME FOR SOME TIME, WHICH IS A HARD THING TO DEAL WITH. IT IS CONFUSING.
I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM NOT ON THE SAME LEVEL WITH THE MAJORITY [THAT BEING GOOD OR BAD, WHO KNOWS] &THAT BECOMES THE DISTANCE.
BUT WITH THAT DISTANCE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THINGS FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO REALIZE THOSE WHO CARE THE MOST ABOUT ME &VICE VERSA. YOU CAN ONLY SUGARCOAT FRIENDSHIPS, RELATIONSHIPS, &SITUATIONS FOR SO LONG.
SO THIS IN RETURN IS A BLESSING. ODD HOW THAT WORKS OUT.
I JUST HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF OF THAT SOMETIMES.
I HAVE BEEN SO OVERWHELMED LATELY THAT I FEEL LIKE MY SEEMS ARE ABOUT TO BREAK. I AM SO OVERWHELMED THAT LITTLE THINGS GO RIGHT OVER MY HEAD. I ALSO HAVE SO MUCH TO DO ON A 24/7 BASIS THAT I SOMETIMES WASTE TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO START. OR I EVEN JUST DO NOT START BECAUSE I AM UNSURE WHERE TO.
BUT WITH THE BAD COMES THE GOOD-LIKE ALWAYS. &I AM ONLY OVERWHELEMED BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT TO DO OVER THE COURSE OF THE NEXT 30 DAYS. THIS INCLUDES DRESS UP DAYS AT WORK, COPELAND, HOMECOMING WEEK/DANCE, DEATH CAB, MY BIRTHDAY, FALL SHOPPING. SO IT IS ALL FOR A GOOD CAUSE. THIS HAS POTENTIAL TO BE THE BEST 30 OR SO DAYS OF MY LIFE.
GOD BLESS THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT.
&GOD BLESS THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE ME FOR WHO I AM &WITH ALL THAT I COME WITH.
THANK YOU FOR CARING,LISTENING,&HELPING. BUT MOSTLY THANK YOU FOR FORGIVING ME.
( HERE IS TO YOU )
|
|
|
[Wednesday, September 20th, 2006 // 9:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
margot &the nuclear so &so's// skeleton key |
] |
SO THIS IS ME RESORTING TO LIVEJOURNAL TO RELEASE ALL THAT IS BUILT UP IN MY HEAD.
//FIRST OF ALL, TODAY WAS A PERFECT DAY OUTSIDE. &AS A RESULT, MY DAY WAS WONDERFUL. I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN IN A BETTER MOOD. IF EVERY DAY WERE LIKE TODAY, THERE WOULD BE NO EXCUSES FOR BAD MOODS.
//I GOT A NEW BED THIS SATURDAY &IT HAS BEEN THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME SINCE I GOT MY CAR. I HAVE NOT WOKEN UP WITH BACK PAIN AT ALL YET; I CANNOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS ABLE TO WAKE UP BACK-PAIN FREE. I ACTUALLY GET EXCITED TO GO TO BED SO THAT I CAN LAY ON IT. PLUS, I HAVE BEEN HAVING GOOD DREAMS ON IT TOO ;) HAH.
//MY MOM IS OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS &I HATE REALIZING HOW MUCH I TAKE HER FOR GRANTED. I GET SO USED TO HAVING HERE THERE TO CALL EVERYDAY AFTER SCHOOL, COOKING ME DINNER, &MAKING SURE MY OUTFIT FOR THE NEXT DAY IS A GOOD PICK. I MISS HER.
//I WANT TO FEEL BUTTERFLIES AGAIN. I HAVE NOT FELT BUTTERFLIES IN A LONG TIME. I GOT THEM TODAY WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS &I HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW CUTE THEY FEEL. BUTTERFLIES ARE JUST A WAY OF REMINDING ME THAT I AM FEELING SOMETHING, YOU KNOW?
//I REALLY MISS JASON. NOT IN THE I MISS HIM OH HE WAS SO CUTE OH I WANT TO DATE HIM AGAIN WAY, BUT IN THE REAL KIND OF WAY... THE JASON I HAVE KNOWN SINCE 8TH GRADE WHO HAS GROWN UP WITH ME &PUT UP WITH ME &LISTENED TO ME &LOOKED OUT FOR ME. I CAN LET MY GUARD DOWN WHEN I AM AROUND HIM. HE HAS A WAY OF MAKING ME FORGET ABOUT THE BAD THINGS. I WISH OUR SCHEDULES DID NOT COLLIDE AS MUCH.
//LAST YEAR I WENT THROUGH A PHASE WHERE I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK &I AM BACK IN THAT PHASE. SOMETIME IN MY SPARE TIME (IF THERE IS SUCH A THING) I WANT TO PUT TOGETHER A BOOK. I WANT TO INCLUDE QUOTES FROM FRIENDS AND PEOPLE I KNOW &JUST MY THOUGHTS &FEELINGS &OBSERVATIONS. NOT FOR A PARTICULAR REASON BUT JUST TO GET IT OUT THERE &ON PAPER.
//I AM WORKING ON SOME THINGS WITH MYSELF THIS YEAR &ONE OF THOSE IS LEARNING HOW TO GO WITH THE FLOW. I AM SO STRUCTURED SOMETIMES THAT I FREAK WHEN THINGS DO NOT GO ACCORDING TO PLAN SO I AM WORKING ON BEING MORE FLEXIBLE. I GET SO WORKED UP OVER NOTHING. I AM WORKING ON LETTING THINGS GO. IF IT IS MEANT TO HAPPEN OR MEANT TO BE DONE, IT WILL.
//HELEN NORTHCUTT IS THE MOST SOLID PERSON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. IF YOU READ THIS, I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN TO ME. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE EVER MET THAT I COULD SPEND LONG AMOUNTS OF TIME WITH &NOT GET IRRITATED WITH IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT. THAT MAY SOUND LIKE NOTHING, BUT THAT IS HUGE FOR ME. AS MUSHY AND DIKISH AS THIS SOUNDS, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE THE BEST KELLY I CAN BE BECAUSE YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF IT.
//I THINK I AM PUSHING TOO HARD TO FIND A GUY TO OCCUPY ME WITH. I THINK I LIKE THE IDEA OF HAVING A GUY AROUND BETTER THAN ACTUALLY HAVING ONE. I LIKE THE IDEA OF HAVING SOMEONE FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME &HAVING SOMEONE TO RELY ON, BUT I AM PUSHING TOO HARD. I REALLY ENJOY BEING SINGLE SO WHY NOT LET THAT BE? PLUS I AM A LOAD &I DO NOT KNOW BUT A COUPLE GUYS THAT CAN HANDLE ME.
//I DECIDED TODAY THAT I WANT TO CUT MY HAIR SHORT AGAIN. I AM NOT SURE HOW SHORT BUT I WANT IT SPUNKY &FUN AGAIN LIKE IT WAS A YEAR AGO. MY MOM TOLD ME THAT SINCE IT WAS SUCH A DRASTIC DECISION, I SHOULD WAIT A FEW DAYS TO SEE IF IT WEARS OFF HAH.
"I've already decided I'm just saving up a ton of money and I am not working this summer; I refuse to. This is our last year to be dumb. Because I mean, you can't spend a night at wal mart once you get into college or jump into a lake the day after new years. People get less fun as they get older. From now on, if I want to do something that sounds fun, I will. "
-Clint Smith
|
|
| world's greatest mother. |
[Friday, September 15th, 2006 // 7:20pm] |
|
i have 12th row tickets to see death cab for cutie [center of the row, to be exact].
a handful of my closest friends, my adorable older brother &my second favorite band of all time only rows in front of me.
november 16th will be the best day of my life.
|
|
| i want to live life and always be true |
[Tuesday, September 5th, 2006 // 8:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
coldplay// we never change |
] |
MY NAME IS KELLY FRECHETTE AND I OVER-ANALYZE EVERYTHING.
|
|
| live a life extraordinary with me |
[Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 // 9:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
carbon leaf// life less ordinary |
] |
CARLY: "WHAT IS THE SPEED LIMIT HERE?!"
ME: "I AM SURE IT IS SOMETHING LIKE 35 OR SO."
CARLY: "WAIT A MINUTE, THERE IS NO SPEED LIMIT WHEN YOU ARE A BADASS!!!"
BUT I DO NOT LOVE HOW [OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS] I WOULD SURELY LOSE MY HEAD IF IT WERE NOT ATTACHED TO MY BODY.
I LOST THE $80 I MADE AT WORK SATURDAY, I LEFT MY ROLL OF FILM FROM THIS WEEKEND IN MS. NABORS ROOM, WAITING TO BE STOLEN [LUCKILY NABORS WAS LOOKING OUT FOR ME &SNATCHED IT TO KEEP IT SAFE], PLUS A FEW OTHER THINGS HERE &THERE IN THE PAST FEW DAYS THAT WOULD LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE I HAVE LOST MY MIND.
I AM NOT SURE IF I AM TOO BUSY OCCUPYING MY MIND WITH OTHER THOUGHTS THAT KEEP ME FROM FOCUSING OR WHAT, BUT SOMETHING IS UP.
IN OTHER NEWS, I HAD TO GO TO THE DOCTOR TODAY FOR A CHECK-UP. I HATE DOCTORS, MORE THAN ANYTHING. HOWEVER, SHE SAID I GOT AN A+!
I NEED TO GET A RAISE FOR BABYSITTING. IT IS ABOUT TIME THAT I DID, CONSIDERING I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR 3 YEARS. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS BALLS UP &ASK FOR IT.
I LIKE LAUGHING SO HARD THAT MY ABS HURT.
I AM THE BIGGEST YEARBOOK NERD &I AM PROUD OF IT.
MY MOTHER &I ARE STARTING OUR MOTHER-DAUGHTER HIP HOP DANCE CLASS THIS THURSDAY &I COULD NOT BE ANY MORE EXCITED.
IT IS THE EVERYDAY PEOPLE IN MY CLASSES THAT MAKE EVERYTHING WORTH WHILE. I LOVE INSIDE JOKES SO MUCH.
I AM STARTING TO GET THE HANG OF EVERYTHING.
OH, &WELL YOU SEE, THERE IS THIS BOY...
|
|
|
[Saturday, August 19th, 2006 // 12:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
anna nalick// paper bag |
] |
I LOVE MY JOB.
MAYBE A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
( SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY )
|
|
| i need your grace to help me find me own |
[Wednesday, August 16th, 2006 // 8:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
snow patrol// chasing cars |
] |
i wish that i could sing well, i wish i could make all a's without trying, i wish i had a core group of friends, i wish i had one girl best friend that was connected at my hip.
i wish for a lot of things.
but i have accepted i cannot sing well but it does not stop me from singing, i have accepted i have to put some effort into good grades, i have accepted that a diverse group of friends is more interesting and more fulfilling that those certain few, &i have accepted that i do not have the cannot walk through the halls without, cannot have sleepovers without, cannot live without girl best friend.
but i find the last one harder to accept than the others. the others have always been obvious.
i have never seemed to have been confused about best friends.
but who says that i need that one? why do i feel like i need one? when did i lose them? were they ever really there in the first place? what did i do to drive them away? why am i so easily disappointed? am i the only one in this boat?
i am sure i could spend a good while debating and arguing with myself which would probably end up with me placing the blame on myself.
i just see it as an inevitable realization that came sooner rather than later.
but i would rather spend my life having a few good friends and the rest acquaintances than to pretend that the people i call "best friends" would never really live up to that title.
as much as i sit and say that, it will still be hard to accept. it is my senior year after all and i do not want to completely filter out those who i have grown up with, confided in, spilled everything to, laughed with, cried with, &evolved with.
but maybe it is not a matter of pushing them away but allowing that distance that was bound to happen at one time or another. or maybe the space was there in the first place, i was just too blind to see or too busy playing it safe, not wanting to step outside of my own boundaries.
whatever it is does not matter;
i am who i am and that is all i can be.
i am all i can give.
i am all you can have.
i am all i will live up to be.
nothing less, nothing more.
|
|
| &we don't notive any time pass because we don't notice anything |
[Thursday, August 10th, 2006 // 9:47pm] |
|
"fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, books and pens
i can tell that we are going to be friends
yes i can tell that we are going to be friends"
I AM A BIG BAD SENIOR.
WHAT NOW?!
i cannot wait to figure out and maintain a comfortable routine again; for now i am just walking it seems.
however, my classes &teachers do rule.
P.S.
DEAR SUMMER OH-SIX,
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING, ADVENTUROUS, INTERESTING, &CRAZY SUMMERS YET.
I LEARNED SO MANY THINGS ABOUT MYSELF &ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE THAT WILL BE EXTREMELY BENEFICIAL.
I AM SORRY TO SEE YOU GO BUT I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU THIS YEAR- SAME TIME, SAME PLACE.
|
|
| we are not the kids we once were |
[Sunday, July 30th, 2006 // 12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
cursive// dorothy at forty |
] |
what would i do without my friends?
without alex i would have no one to understand.
without carly i would have no one pull out the little spontaneous in me.
without courtney i would have no one to talk in full-accented conversations with.
without grayson i would have no one to make ridiculous jokes with.
without jay i would have no one to be perverted with.
without clay i would have no one to play tennis with or treat me like a lady.
without jason i would have no one to calm me down.
without kelsey i would have no one to be my little sister.
without sarah i would have no one to go to at all hours.
without adeli i would have no one to enjoy my ambition.
without cameron i would have no one to gossip with.
without paige i would have no past.
&even without luke, for i would not know where i came from.
however, i only have $30 in my bank account due to the brand new tires i had to purchase the other day.
so be expecting to tote my behind around &feeding me because that $30 has to last me two more weeks including gas &food expenses.
oh the little life lessons.
other than that, i find it funny how things are continually getting better without any reason.
"would you please meet me by the water, baby
we'll have a really good time
would you please meet me by the water, baby
because i can't get you off of my mind"
( YOU ARE SOMETHING LIKE A PHENOMENA )
|
|
| WEEGLE, WEEGLE |
[Tuesday, July 25th, 2006 // 12:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the working title// weigh me down |
] |
i am now a senior in high school.
it is surreal; it is like your 16th birthday...you spend your whole life waiting, anticipating, and counting down the days until it comes
but then once it comes around and you actually realize that you have made it, you do not know really how to react.
am i supposed to be excited about it being my last year?
am i supposed to be thankful i only have one more year with these people?
am i supposed to be happy that i will be moving out and getting out of the house?
because i am not.
not in the least bit.
i love high school. i love these people who i have grown up with . i love my mommy and daddy. i love living at home with them.
i love free food, a warm bed, a laundry room, and a sturdy roof over my head.
[1] US GOVERNMENT//ECONOMICS : FORREST
[2] ENGLISH 12 : McKINNEY
[3] ADVANCED PHOTOGRAPHY : NABORS
[4] YEARBOOK 2 : DIXON
[5] CRAFTS : LIMLEY
[6] ANATOMY//PHYSIOLOGY : PATRICK
[7] PRE-CALCULUS : WILLIAMSON
LOCKER : 279
PARKING SPOT : 606
by the way, i have been officially accepted into Auburn University.
& not only that, i have sent my deposit in and will be applying for dorms beginning august 1 (i even have a room mate who i adore very much and blends perfectly with me)
i do not even know what to do or say about it.
i am so thankful/happy/excited/relieved/stress-free
i have not even begun my senior year &i have already decided on what i want to do the rest of my entire life with out one bit of doubt.
i have nothing to worry/stress over this year.
i guess all i have to say is WAR EAGLE, BABY.
2007 is my year.
|
|
|
[Sunday, July 23rd, 2006 // 1:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
interpol// untitled |
] |
you can either deal with things or not;
the proof is in the effort.
you cannot erase the footprints once they have been planted.
"forgive me you cut out again
it seems so easy just to blame the reception"
|
|
| there’s a word of peace on your lips |
[Friday, July 14th, 2006 // 1:19am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
q and not u// soft pyramids |
] |
i could not love summer anymore.
but this time i would not mind being wrong.
( i am aglow )
|
|
| &that's alright, if that's alright |
[Friday, July 7th, 2006 // 3:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
gregory &the hawk// a wish |
] |
i am so grateful.
i am so blessed.
i am so loved.
i am so thankful.
i am so pleased.
i am so refreshed.
i am so anxious.
i am so hopeful.
i am so peaceful.
i am so indescribable.
TO DO LIST:
worry less
plan less
expect less
think less
i love knowing i can call alex [&he will answer] at 2 in the morning to just talk about everything i am battling or contemplating in my mind.
i love surprising people &doing things for people because the reaction is worth it all.
i love when i check my voice mail only to hear a message from justin filled with cartel playing live &singing one of my favorite songs.
i love having girl spend the nights where we spend all night making videos &singing to songs.
i love get-togethers with old friends &meeting new faces in addition.
i love hanging out with people from every end of the spectrum.
i love seeing people &catching up with people i have not seen since school got out.
i love knowing i am in control of my happiness.
i know that i have my own flaws
but they just build my motivation
so take me, right now, before i start to change my mind
( take it easy girls, i have rent to pay )
|
|
| &if i was with you tonight, i'd sing to you just one more time |
[Thursday, June 29th, 2006 // 10:15am] |
|
i was awaken early this morning to my brother informing me that my nannie passed away at 6:15.
thankfully it was not unexpected.
thankfully my nannie was not in the hospital, but in the comfort of her own home.
&thankfully my mother and her best friend were at her bedside, allowing my nannie to go in peace knowing they were there.
you gave up one hell of a fight nannie.
but God has been waiting in Heaven with open arms for you, once you were ready.
thank you for showing me the funnier side of life. &thank you for showing me how to appreciate the simple things in life.
but look at it this way, now you not only will never miss a Tennessee game, you will have the best seats in the house.
may angels lead you in...
|
|
| i color the sky with you |
[Saturday, June 17th, 2006 // 12:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bright eyes// theme to pinata |
] |
enough is a very bold word.
it can be a very secure word &yet a very insecure word.
things can be enough or not enough; either way, the word has a great impact.
but for me, right now everything is enough.
it is enough to have fewer than a handful of good friends.
it is enough to only be getting seven or eight hours of sleep a night.
it is enough to do my laundry every other week.
&i am enough of a mess for the both of us.
sometimes, things are just enough.
things are falling into place without any effort.
is it possible that i go through my days at 90 miles per hour but yet things seem to go in slow motion, allowing me to enjoy every minute of it?
i could get used to being so care-free.
if i get old, remind me of this:
that night we kissed, &i really meant it.
( [///] )
|
|
| come on in, i've got to tell you what a state i'm in |
[Tuesday, June 6th, 2006 // 12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
coldplay// green eyes |
] |
"&i came here with a load
&it feels so much lighter since i met you"
sometimes we seem to be in such a mess that we can not find an outlet.
sometimes we are so good at persuading ourselves that we are in a lower state of mind than what could be possible.
sometimes we convince ourselves that we need things or we need people to truly have what we long for, or to be satisfied.
truth is, we are only in a mess if we say we are. you can only find an outlet if you want to.
truth is, we are only as happy as we allow ourselves to be
truth is, we need nothing &we need no one.
&once we come to that realization is when we really find the answers we were searching for; that is when we really develop into who we are.
satisfaction is not an answer but a state of mind.
with that being said, i have been blessed with so many things in my life- from people to situations.
recently, i have filtered out the negative [that i am aware of] &replaced it with positive.
i have not been this content or so sure of my life in a long time, if ever.
i do not owe this all to one person &maybe that is the beauty of it.
it is from a collection of people, situations, &mistakes that have opened my eyes &shaped me into more of the person i hope to be.
truth is, i can not please everyone, people can become distant, relationships fade, we have to grow up, &life is not always fair.
( [come on in] )
|
|
| i'll be your distraction |
[Monday, May 29th, 2006 // 1:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
foo fighters// tired of you |
] |
i am making progress for myself.
i am beginning to make better decisions on my part which in return restores confidence in my relationship with my parents &even with myself.
it is almost as if i tore down my walls &started to rebuild them.
i never thought having people trust me could be so important to me in every way.
&it seems as each day passes, the more i come to understand my parents.
i learned a year or two ago to accept their rules ®ulations due to the fact that there is nothing i can do so i might as well cooperate, but now it is as if i am able to see it from their view in a way.
&for that i am very thankful.
acceptance &understanding of others is a blessing that i have been given by the grace of God.
i feel as though my perspective has been renewed.
i was in a rut or what have you with myself &i pulled myself out.
if i was not so ambitious, sometimes i wonder where i would allow myself to settle.
in addition, i am beginning to really appreciate people, ideas, thoughts, and feelings.
things are just things.
but people, ideas, thoughts, &feelings are worth much more.
attitude is everything.
i won't go getting tired of you
i won't go getting tired of you
i'm not getting tired of you
( [+] )
|
|
| maybe there is beauty in goodbye |
[Monday, April 24th, 2006 // 9:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tilly and the wall// bad education |
] |
i do not know what i would do if i did not have alex around to pick up my slack .
i do not know what i would do if i did not have jason around to surprise me with propel or drive me around when i have a headache.
i do not know what i would do if i did not have sarah around to make dumb jokes that only we think are funny.
i do not know what i would do if i did not have helen around to have handstand and backbend contests with.
i do not know what i would do if i did not have mary katherine around to slack off at work and mess with the things people leave.
i do not know what i would do with out my boys (justin, aaryn, scott, ashton, jeff, &cam) to take care of me and to let me practically live with them.
my life is so hectic right now. i do not even know what to update about because it has been forever and everything is just going on at once.
sometimes i have so much to do that i either do not know where to start or just continue to put some off so i will not have an overload.
the people around me are what get me through each and every day.
i am enjoying life very much right now. however sometimes i need to just stop and enjoy it a little bit more.
i am only seventeen and need to act like it.
thankfully this working seven days a week will be done in about 2 weeks so then i will be able to breathe a bit deeper.
"because this world you know it can get so crazy
all these people talk a lot
they know this, they know it all
what a drag
&you know there'll always be some oddball singing
just remember to sing alog
( yea you better start singing along )
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mark_my_word's journal